


Bargain Hunt

by jashinist_feminist



Category: Naruto
Genre: Art, Brexit, Flying, M/M, Sharing a Bed, Shopping, Spain, Theft, barcelona
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 06:48:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21295277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jashinist_feminist/pseuds/jashinist_feminist
Summary: Hidan finds an expensive jacket in Zara that he really wants. Kakuzu reckons he can buy it cheaper in Spain...
Relationships: Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 51
Collections: KakuHida Week





	Bargain Hunt

**Author's Note:**

> I once read a viral story about someone who managed to fly from the UK to buy a coat from Zara cheaper in Spain, and I just instantly thought that would be something that Kakuzu would do! And even better if its for Hidan <3
> 
> Happy Kakuhidaweek one and all!

Normally, Kakuzu could not get Hidan into a shopping centre for anything, be it bribery, threats, or even begging. Not that Kakuzu had ever resorted to begging.

But when it came to shopping for himself, Hidan bounced into the shopping centre eagerly, heading straight towards Zara. Kakuzu was the one holding back reluctantly, hating the so-called stupid pop music that beat through the floors into his body and made his eardrums ache.

He glanced around at the price tags on the clothes disgustedly, and then even more disgustedly at the clothes themselves. £40 for a black sweater with random pieces of netted frilled curtains attached? Kakuzu wouldn’t be caught dead in it.

Further into the shop, he shook his head at what would have been a nice, sleek pair of jeans that had been ruined by someone adding a totally unnecessary mesh hem. There were no shoes that could be worn with them, any kind of top would clash, it looked dreadful.

Hidan skipped straight into the men’s section, which was thankfully more practical. He rifled through the jackets, passing up the leather jackets. Kakuzu watched disinterestedly, waiting for Hidan to pull out the cheapest one they could find, so they could leave.

“I want this one, Kuzu!” announced Hidan.

Kakuzu glanced up. Hidan was holding a black padded jacket, with a large ruff hood. It was his favourite style to wear, and he had plenty of other jackets just like it.

“Fine,” sighed Kakuzu, reaching for his wallet. Before his fingers touched the leather, he stopped. “How much is it?”

“Errr…” Hidan trailed off.

It was clear he hadn’t bothered to look.

Kakuzu marched over, and yanked at the price tag.

“£250!” he yelped. “Hidan, you’re having a laugh!”

“No, I’m not!” protested Hidan. “I want this one!”

“I’m not paying £250!” barked Kakuzu. “That’s too expensive!”

“But its good quality!”

“This is in the same shop that attaches random bits of curtains to perfectly acceptable black sweaters!” retorted Kakuzu. “We’ll go somewhere else.”

“But I like this one,” whined Hidan. “Please buy it for me Kakuzu. I won’t ask for anything else.”

“No!”

“Please!”

“No!” barked Kakuzu. “I’m not paying £250 for something you already own!”

“I don’t already own it!” argued Hidan. “At least check online for any discount codes.”

Kakuzu growled and slammed his body down on the chair for trying on shoes. He pulled out his phone, and went on the Zara website. It was hard enough to even find the coat Hidan had picked up, as everything just seemed to be large images of models in the clothes, but not actually focused on each individual item. Kakuzu growled again with frustration, before finding it.

£250.

No way.

Kakuzu was not paying it.

There were no discounts codes when he browsed through his usual discount sites either, and so he gave up, before clicking back on the Zara website.

But what Kakuzu hadn’t realised was, in his anger and impatience, he had clicked on the Spanish version of the website.

He scrolled through, finding the coat, and then blinked.

30 euros.

What?

How come it was 30 euros?

Kakuzu blinked again, before realising what he had done. And then he blinked for the third time, because he realised how much cheaper the damn coat cost in its native country.

He glanced at Hidan.

For the same amount of money, or less, Kakuzu could fly to Spain, visit a Spanish Zara store, buy the coat for Hidan, and fly back to the United Kingdom.

He opened another tab on his iPhone, before looking at cheap flights to Spain. There were some with Ryanair for as little as £12. Kakuzu knew Ryanair were dirt cheap for booking the actual flight but charged you for hand luggage and food on the plane, but he and Hidan wouldn’t need much…Hidan walked around practically naked all the time anyway…

“Put the coat back,” ordered Kakuzu. “I’ve got a better idea.”

“But Kakuzu…”

“Just trust me!” repeated Kakuzu. “We’re going on a little holiday…”

* * *

Kakuzu parked the car at Stansted airport, and clamoured out. He glanced at the parking charges, and surprisingly didn’t sigh, as he knew that whatever he spent on parking would still be less than buying the coat in the UK.

Hidan clamoured out, and picked up the shopping bag they were using for their hand luggage. Kakuzu glanced at his phone, at the itinerary he had created. There was a week before Brexit, he had already stocked up on petrol and goods before prices shot up, and his flights were booked to go to Spain and back before then. Hidan would have his coat, Kakuzu would have peace, and everything would be perfect.

They made their way to the check-in desk, and Kakuzu grinned to himself when he simply showed the shopping bag they were taking for hand luggage and nothing else. He and Hidan would buy food once they got through to the Duty Free after Security, which reminded him…

“Hidan,” said Kakuzu quietly, as they walked towards Security. “You haven’t let Deidara put anything in there, have you?”

“Why not?” asked Hidan.

“You know why!” hissed Kakuzu. “Bombs.”

“Oh,” said Hidan. “No. I just stuck my favourite knife in. Just, you know, in case.”

“Hidan!” growled Kakuzu.

“I’m joking!” protested Hidan. “Of course I haven’t packed my favourite knife, I’m not letting them take that fucker off me…”

They managed to get successfully through Security. The security guard did not smile at Kakuzu, Kakuzu did not smile back. He walked through the scanner just fine, and then waited with baited breathe for Hidan.

Hidan stepped through happily, without the scanner bleeping. But then a security guard beckoned Hidan over, and held out a bottle of Hidan’s hair gel.

“What’s the fucking problem?” asked Hidan.

“Hidan!” snarled Kakuzu.

He knew they could handle security guards, but that meant effort and aggravation that Kakuzu did not need.

“This liquid is over 100ml and is not in a clear plastic bag,” droned the guard. “I have to confiscate this.”

“What? It’s clearly fucking hair gel for making me sexy!” protested Hidan, trying to snatch back his hair gel.

“Hidan!” Kakuzu snarled again.

“Sir, I have to confiscate this, you can only take liquids through that are under 100ml,” said the security guard.

“But I’ll look like a twat!” cried Hidan.

“I’d rather you looked like a twat and managed to get on the plane!” Kakuzu interrupted. He shoved the hair gel back in the security guard’s hands. “I’ll buy him a new one.”

He marched Hidan through to the Duty Free, and relaxed.

“That cost me £20,” sulked Hidan.

“Well, here it will cost you…” Kakuzu glanced in the first toiletry shop he could find. “£10.”

“I haven’t got any money,” said Hidan.

Kakuzu’s shoulders sank.

“Fine,” he grunted, handing over a £10 note.

“Thanks, Kuzu, you’re the best!” grinned Hidan, hopping into the shop.

Kakuzu managed to buy himself and Hidan two bottles of water, sandwiches, crisps, and a snack bar each, ensuring that they were part of the meal deal, and then waited for Hidan to return. He made Hidan wait for their Gate to be announced, not wanting him to run off and go in all the shops, before they went to board.

He and Hidan’s seats were next to each other, and Kakuzu let Hidan sit by the window. He opened up a book, and flicked through while waiting for take off.

Hidan held Kakuzu’s hand as the plane rushed down the runway, tilted upwards, and then left the ground. He carried on holding Kakuzu’s hand until they were safely airborne, and then snuggled against Kakuzu’s shoulder. Kakuzu let him fall asleep. A sleepy Hidan was better than a moaning Hidan.

* * *

They arrived in Barcelona two hours later, although they’d lost an hour due to the time zone difference. At passport control, the Spanish guard made a wise crack about Brexit and how Kakuzu and Hidan wouldn’t be able to do this trip so very easily soon.

Kakuzu did not smile.

His stocks and shares were at stake.

Once they got through passport control, they didn’t need to worry about picking up their bags, and went straight out. The first obvious thing about Spain was that it was a lot warmer than the place they had just left, and briefly Kakuzu wondered if it was even worth buying Hidan a coat, until he remembered where they were.

“Where’s the hotel?” asked Hidan.

“I haven’t booked one,” said Kakuzu.

“What?” demanded Hidan. “Where the fuck are we meant to sleep?”

“We’re not,” retorted Kakuzu. “We go to a Spanish shopping centre, get the coat, get back here, and get on a plane and go back home again.”

“What? What?” protested Hidan. “This isn’t a proper holiday!”

“We’re not on holiday!” barked Kakuzu. “We’re shopping.”

“You are such an unromantic dick, it’s unreal!” complained Hidan.

“I don’t care!” Kakuzu snapped. “I think it’s pretty damn romantic that I flew us out here all this way so you could get a fucking stupid ugly coat that YOU ALREADY HAVE!”

“Kisame would treat Itachi to a five star hotel and meals out and a whole new fucking wardrobe!” shouted Hidan.

“I’m not Kisame!” retorted Kakuzu, before marching in the direction of the metro.

He paid for tickets to central Barcelona, and dragged Hidan after him. They sat in stony silence, and when they arrived in central Barcelona, climbed out.

Kakuzu wasted no time in marching down the streets, looking for a Zara. When he found it, he practically danced with joy, and beckoned Hidan onwards. They slipped inside and began to rummage through the coats, until they found the one Hidan liked. Kakuzu’s eyes glowed with joy when he spotted it with a 30 euro price tag, and he began to search through the rack.

“What size are you, Hidan?” asked Kakuzu.

“Medium,” replied Hidan.

Kakuzu frowned. He could only find Sasori size, Extra Small, Deidara size, Small, his size, Large, and Kisame size, Extra Large.

But there was no Medium.

Kakuzu wanted to cry.

“Excuse me, sir, can I help?” asked the shop assistant.

“Do you have this out the back in Medium?” asked Kakuzu.

“I’m sorry, sir, we only have this in the sizes available. It’s been very popular,” explained the shop assistant as Kakuzu felt his stomach plummet. “I can always order more in?”

“We’re only here for a day,” replied Kakuzu.

“You could try another store, there’s several in the city,” said the shop assistant.

Kakuzu nodded. “I’ll try that. Thank you for your help. Hidan!”

Hidan clamoured up. Just as they stepped outside, and began to look for another store, railings came down, and the shops closed.

Kakuzu glanced at his watch. It was late evening, and everywhere was closing.

“Kakuzu, I’m hungry,” complained Hidan.

Kakuzu heard his stomach growl. They hadn’t eaten since the sandwiches on the plane. He needed to stop for a little while, to plan, to decide what to do next.

“Let’s find somewhere to have dinner,” said Kakuzu.

* * *

Once they had found the cheapest restaurant they could find, Kakuzu ordered the cheapest items on the menu, and then scrolled through his phone, looking for a cheap place to spend the night. He was tempted to tell Hidan to just rough it, and sleep on the streets, but he knew Hidan would hate it.

Something compelled him to check his Facebook, and as he did, a post from Sasori popped up.

_‘A perfect day spent exploring beautiful art.’_

Sasori had checked himself into an art gallery, as well as some pictures he’d taken of local art displays.

But the best thing was…

_Sasori was in Barcelona._

Kakuzu grinned.

Hidan finished eating his dinner, and then helped himself to some of Kakuzu’s paella. He grimaced, then spat it back out again. “Bleh, squid!”

“What did you expect?” Kakuzu raised an eyebrow.

“Spanish food is rank,” Hidan shouted.

“Shut up,” Kakuzu growled. “Listen, do you want somewhere decent to sleep this evening?”

Hidan cracked his knuckles. “Fuck yeah I want somewhere decent to sleep.”

“Get out your phone, and go on Friends By Location,” said Kakuzu.

“What for?” asked Hidan.

“And look up Sasori,” instructed Kakuzu.

“Sasori? Why are we looking up him?”

“Because I said so,” said Kakuzu.

Hidan tapped away at his phone. “Sasori is…fifty feet away.”

“Excellent,” said Kakuzu. “Now, let’s go and say hello to him. And to be clear, Hidan, I want you on your ABSOLUTE BEST BEHAVIOUR.”

“Is this because I gave San a lap dance and then they broke up?” asked Hidan.

“Precisely,” snarled Kakuzu.

“I don’t get the big deal…he loved it…”

“Your lap dances are for me!” snarled Kakuzu. He slammed his cash on the table, and climbed upright. “Now…keep your eyes out for a vertically challenged redhead…”

* * *

They found Sasori sitting in a fancier restaurant, sipping at a glass of wine, with two dinners before him. Kakuzu decided not to ask, knowing that chances were, Sasori had probably ordered the extra meal for one of his freaky puppets. As soon as he noticed Kakuzu and Hidan walking towards him, he scowled.

“Why are you two here?” he demanded.

“We’re shopping, buddy,” announced Hidan, sitting down next to Sasori, and slinging an arm around his shoulders.

Sasori looked at Hidan’s arm like it was an alien’s tentacle. “I am not your ‘buddy,’ and remove your arm from my shoulder.”

Hidan removed his arm.

“We’re on a shopping trip,” said Kakuzu, sitting down in the second seat. “Hidan and I flew in this afternoon.”

Sasori hummed. “I’m on a culture trip. I want to visit all my favourite places before Brexit and I can’t get out the country so easily.”

They were interrupted, as another familiar face joined them.

“Why are you two here, yeah?” asked Deidara, returning from the bathroom.

“Dei!” beamed Hidan. He leapt up, and he and Deidara fist pumped. “Kakuzu’s buying me a coat!”

“Oh, that’s nice of him,” said Deidara.

“He can be nice when he tries,” Hidan elbowed Kakuzu.

Kakuzu didn’t smile.

“Where are you staying, hmm?” interrupted Deidara.

“Nowhere,” said Hidan.

Sasori’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not staying with me.”

Kakuzu felt his stomach plummet. “It’s just for one night,” he added quickly.

“No,” said Sasori.

“Please, Sasori.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“I don’t want damage to my hotel room, and I’m not paying for it!” snapped Sasori.

“We’re not going to damage your hotel room!” insisted Kakuzu.

Sasori gave Kakuzu a look of contempt, which Kakuzu knew Sasori thought he and Hidan seriously would.

Eventually, Sasori conceded. “You can stay in my hotel room, Kakuzu, and sleep on the floor. Hidan, on the other hand, can sleep in the street for all I care.”

“Hey!” protested Hidan. “I mean, what about the bathtub? At least let me sleep there?”

“No,” Sasori sipped at his wine, glaring at Hidan.

“Please let Hidan come and sleep in our room,” added Deidara.

Sasori spat his wine back into his glass. “Don’t you start!”

“But it will be fun, yeah! Like a big sleepover party!”

“No! That is not fun!” Sasori seethed.

“Please!” Deidara pouted. “I won’t bother you or talk to you if Hidan is there.”

Sasori exhaled. “Fine.”

* * *

When they got back to Sasori’s hotel room, they discovered that Sasori had booked a double room. He had one bed, and Deidara had the other. A puppet sat propped up in Sasori’s bed, wearing a pair of pyjamas.

“My dear San,” he sighed, waving a hand at him. “That’s all I’ve been left with.”

“Why don’t you cuddle Dei?” asked Hidan. “You know, he’s a real person.”

“Hey!” flushed Deidara.

“You disgust me,” spat Sasori.

“How about,” suggested Kakuzu. “Hidan and I will take one bed, and you, Deidara and the puppet can take the other?”

“I’m not sleeping with a bloody terrifying puppet, yeah!” protested Deidara. “I’ll wake up and find that it’s come to life or something like a Chucky doll.”

“I’m not sleeping with Deidara,” retorted Sasori.

“Why not? It’s not like either of you take up much space,” said Hidan.

Sasori glowered at Hidan.

“How about, I share with Deidara, you share with your puppet, and Kakuzu can take the floor?” suggested Hidan.

“You don’t deserve a bed,” said Sasori, sitting down on his, and pulling off his shoes and socks.

“So Kakuzu sleeps with Deidara?” asked Hidan.

“I’m not sharing,” said Deidara. “And I’m not giving up my bed either.”

“Dei! You wanted a sleepover party!” insisted Hidan.

In the end, Kakuzu ended up turfing Deidara out of his bed and into Sasori’s, and taking his and sharing with Hidan. Hidan threw an arm over his chest and snuggled on Kakuzu’s shoulder, in his favourite comfy spot. Kakuzu wrapped his arms around Hidan’s shoulders, and began to run his hands through the soft silvery hairs behind Hidan’s ears. Hidan practically purred, and snuggled closer.

“Remove that puppet, yeah,” ordered Deidara.

“No,” said Sasori, cuddling up tightly to the puppet.

“Get it out,” said Deidara.

“No,” insisted Sasori.

“It’s an inanimate object! I need to sleep!” insisted Deidara. “I’ll throw it off the balcony if you don’t move it.”

“No,” Sasori held on more tightly to his puppet.

“Just move the damn puppet! Stop keeping me waiting to sleep! I’m tired!”

Sasori leapt upright, grabbed San, and plonked him in an armchair. Deidara dived headfirst into Sasori’s bed and stretched out, taking over the side furthest away from the puppet in the armchair. Sasori crawled into bed beside him, and stretched out. Neither of them cuddled, as they both lay stubbornly with their arms folded.

* * *

The next morning, Kakuzu managed to get a free breakfast from Sasori after ordering room service and charging it to Sasori’s bill while Sasori was in the shower. He, Hidan and Deidara tucked in, and then Kakuzu dumped all the empty plates in the room next door while the house-keepers backs were turned. Sasori would probably go apeshit when he checked out, but Kakuzu figured he and Hidan would be safely back in the UK by then. Let Sasori scream at Deidara.

He and Hidan soon realised that they hadn’t brought any extra clothes with them. Kakuzu had expected them to be in Spain for only a few hours, and so had only packed fresh underwear. He sprayed his clothes with deodorant, and then washed his face once Sasori was finished in the bathroom.

At least they would be leaving later today.

Kakuzu beckoned to Hidan, and they headed back out to find another Zara store.

“See,” said Kakuzu. “I managed to get us a free bed, and free breakfast. Now all we have to do today is buy the coat, and go home.”

“Sure,” chirped Hidan. “What’s Sasori going to do when-”

“Sasori is going to blame Deidara,” said Kakuzu firmly.

“Ohhh Kuzu, you are fucking cold,” grinned Hidan.

* * *

Kakuzu refused to pay for a cab or to go on the metro, and so they walked for an hour, before they found another Zara, and slipped inside. They searched through the racks, before finding the coat that Hidan wanted.

Kakuzu practically jumped for joy when they found it, and found a size Medium, Hidan’s size. He held it up for Hidan to try, and Hidan stripped off his current jacket, and tried it on.

“Hey, Kuzu,” said Hidan, as he slipped his arms into the sleeves.

“Yes?”

“This jacket is really tight.”

Kakuzu glanced at him. Hidan could barely zip the jacket up over his biceps, and was straining. He groaned. Why, of all things, did the jacket have to come up small?

He could have bought the size Large last night when they had been in the first store and been done with this ridiculous adventure, back on a plane to the UK, without wasting a single penny on dinner.

“Are you sure it’s a medium?” asked Kakuzu. “Try this other one.”

Hidan tried on another medium size, but again, faced the same difficulty in zipping up the jacket. Kakuzu felt his head imploding on his brain with frustration. He racked the rails for a large, but then groaned as soon as realised that this store had none.

“We’ll have to go to another store,” sighed Kakuzu. “Put it back. We’ll go back the way we came, and visit the one we were in yesterday.”

After putting back the jacket, Kakuzu and Hidan returned to the streets of Barcelona, turning this way and that, before they realised they were both hopelessly lost. Kakuzu sighed, thinking that this adventure was more trouble than it was worth. Maybe he should have just dropped the £250 on the jacket in England. Hidan would be happy without any of this hassle.

But then Kakuzu reminded himself that he had still saved over a hundred pounds on this adventure, and that made it all seem worth it. After several hours of walking around and not really getting anywhere, he decided to bite the bullet and ask Sasori for directions. He pulled out his phone, and fired off a message.

Sasori replied almost instantly.

_‘If you’re staying Barcelona, why not come to one of the art galleries with Deidara and I?’_

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, before responding and telling Sasori that he didn’t like art or want to pay to get into a museum.

_‘That’s disappointing. You’ve flown all this way and probably won’t be able to after Brexit and don’t even want to see some culture?’_

“Kuzu, I’m bored,” whined Hidan. “Can we do something?”

“Look for Zara!” barked Kakuzu.

“I can’t find it anywhere! I have no idea where we are.”

“Neither do I!”

“Hey, Hidan! Kakuzu, yeah!”

Both Hidan and Kakuzu turned around to spot Deidara, waving from the door of a nearby art gallery. Sasori lounged against a pillar, phone in hand.

“Aren’t you coming in?” asked Deidara.

* * *

It turned out that Deidara and Hidan’s idea of a good trip around the art gallery was to point at strange looking pictures and announce “that’s you!” to the other. Kakuzu walked beside a skulking Sasori, who paused before paintings to gaze and sigh over the older paintings. Kakuzu wondered how much the paintings were worth, and if it would be viable to pinch one and sell it on the black market.

Kakuzu walked up speedily to Hidan’s side, and linked his arm with his. Hidan smiled, happy that Kakuzu was holding him, until Kakuzu leant over to whisper in his ear.

“We’re going to steal one of the paintings and flog it. The money will cover the money you wasted bringing us out here. Do you understand?”

Hidan turned, his expression falling slightly. “But Sasori will kill us!”

“Do I care?”

“No,” sighed Hidan.

Kakuzu licked his lips hungrily, just thinking of the money they could earn. He noted that Sasori was carrying a large backpack that practically swallowed him, that they could easily stuff the painting inside.

“Choose one small enough to fit in Sasori’s backpack, and then when no one is looking, stuff it inside. If they catch us leaving they’ll blame Sasori.”

“What will Sasori say?” asked Hidan.

Kakuzu shrugged. “We can blame Deidara.”

In the next room, Hidan spotted a gold statue, and when Kakuzu saw it, his eyes turned into pound signs, or would that be euro signs? He nodded to Hidan, who crept forwards, and reached for it.

Hidan didn’t have a shirt to stuff the sculpture in, and Sasori had wandered off, so Hidan held the gold statue uselessly for a while. Kakuzu’s heart skipped a beat, realising that the longer Hidan held it visible, the more likely they were to be caught. He grabbed the statue and shoved it in his wicker shopping bag, realising that he could just pass himself off as a harmless, grouchy old man going shopping around the town.

They finished looking around the gallery, and by then it was late afternoon, heading into the evening, and were feeling hungry.

“I want to go in the shop!” beamed Deidara. “I want to buy presents for everyone back home yeah…Konan would love a notebook…”

They walked in the shop, and Kakuzu wondered if there was a way he could slip the statue into Sasori’s backpack. He followed Sasori and Deidara around, as they inspected various gifts for Konan.

“Do Kisame and Itachi get anything?” asked Hidan.

“I’ll buy Kisame a present,” retorted Deidara.

Sasori opened his backpack to get his wallet, having picked a present for Konan. Kakuzu snuck up closer, and lifted up his shopping bag.

“Hey…Sasori…can you put this your bag for me?” asked Kakuzu. “My arms ache.”

“Your arms are more muscled than mine,” scoffed Sasori.

“Oh, I forgot how tiny you were,” Kakuzu rolled his eyes.

Sasori blustered red. “Give me that!”

He yanked the shopping bag from Kakuzu and stuffed it in his backpack, and then frowned. “What is that?”

“Don’t open it,” muttered Kakuzu.

“Why not?” demanded Sasori.

“Don’t open it,” hissed Kakuzu.

“What is it?” repeated Sasori, pulling aside the wicker material. His face literally fell. “You…you _assholes_.”

“We could use the money,” shrugged Kakuzu.

“I’m not taking this,” Sasori shoved it back at Kakuzu.

Kakuzu shoved it straight back. “You’ve touched it now. It’s got your fingerprints on. And it would look weird if you didn’t carry it in your bag now you’ve opened it.”

“I am not going to jail for art theft!” Sasori almost shrieked.

“Hey, Sasori, hurry up! Come and pay for this stuff, you’re making the whole queue wait!” shouted Deidara.

Sasori blustered red again, and stuffed the statue in his backpack, before running to the till to pay. Kakuzu grabbed Hidan, and began walking quickly in the direction of the exit.

There was the sound of frantic running, and then Sasori shoved his backpack straight in Hidan’s arms, before rushing out the gallery.

Kakuzu and Hidan stared at each other, but then Kakuzu nodded. They both took a deep sigh, and Hidan swung the backpack on his shoulders, before taking Kakuzu’s hand. As far as anyone was concerned, they were just a nice, normal couple leaving after a day at the art gallery.

* * *

That wasn’t one of Kakuzu’s better ideas. He and Hidan slumped either side of the Spanish prison cell, staring at the wall, at each other, at their crossed feet.

“We’ve missed our flight back now,” said Hidan.

Kakuzu sucked his teeth. “Yes, I know.”

“And we didn’t get the jacket.”

Kakuzu seethed.

“You know, you didn’t have to fly me out here to get the jacket. We could have ordered it from the Spanish Zara website, and paid £15 for delivery,” said Hidan.

“And potentially custom fees if it arrived after Brexit,” scowled Kakuzu.

“Good point,” said Hidan. He tilted his head. “Hey…Kakuzu, what will happen to us? You know, with your shares and the stakes and stuff.”

“I’ve stocked up plenty of food in the house,” said Kakuzu. “And I’ve split our savings. Some is in cash hidden in the house, the rest is still in the account and I’ve moved some to offshore bank accounts. That way we’re still protected if the pound drops. The car is full of petrol and I’ve got some bootlegged petrol down in the cellar. I prepared.”

“You always prepare,” Hidan crawled forwards and wriggled under Kakuzu’s arm for a cuddle.

Kakuzu indulged him, and cuddled Hidan back.

* * *

The Spanish government decided to let them go, deciding it wasn’t worth holding British prisoners when they could just send them back where they came from and could carry on being the British government’s problem. Kakuzu and Hidan stumbled out, for the receptionist to hand them a handwritten note from Sasori telling them he had left the country and that he’d handed in his keys at the reception, and that he would be invoicing Kakuzu for the breakfast he’d ordered.

“We should rebook flights,” said Kakuzu. “And get out of here before Brexit.”

Hidan nodded.

“But first, the jacket,” said Kakuzu.

“You still want to get me that?”

“If I’ve wasted money, I want it to at least be worth it,” growled Kakuzu. “Let’s find Zara.”

* * *

He and Hidan returned to pacing the streets. They were in luck, as being sent to jail took them to a different neighbourhood, with a different Zara store. Kakuzu and Hidan slipped inside, and found the jacket, with all the sizes available. Hidan tried them all on, parading before Kakuzu, before picking the size Large to fit in his muscled biceps. Kakuzu walked up to the storefront, paid for the jacket, collected a very happy Hidan, and they left hand in hand.

“Let’s go to the airport and sort some flights then,” sighed Kakuzu.

He paid for tickets on the metro, and by late evening, they were at the airport. Kakuzu walked up to the desk, and swallowed. As it was last minute, chances were he and Hidan wouldn’t be able to sit together. Eventually, Kakuzu settled for flying out first thing tomorrow morning. He and Hidan would just have to wait at the airport.

Hidan wasn’t pleased when Kakuzu told him, especially when Hidan realised they couldn’t even check in to go through to the duty free to relax. He bitched and whined, and so Kakuzu ignored him. Hidan had got the coat he wanted, and he had no right to complain.

All night, they waited, until they could check in. Kakuzu and Hidan stepped through security without further incident, and went into the duty free area. Kakuzu selected cheap food and coffee for them both, sighing at having to part with more money. He had yet to count up how much money they’d spent while in Barcelona.

They climbed on the plane, and Kakuzu was able to claim a seat beside Hidan. Hidan snuggled against Kakuzu’s shoulder again before take-off, the new jacket smelling fresh and new. Kakuzu sighed, wondering what kind of chaos they were returning too. 

* * *

At Stansted, they collected the car, and Kakuzu drove back through the late-morning traffic. They arrived back home, and the first thing Kakuzu did was flick on the news. His green eyes scanned the flashing headlines, only to realise that Brexit had been delayed yet again.

Kakuzu simply shrugged. At least his shares and stocks were safe for now, and a potential recession had been delayed, giving him more time to save money.

A printed slip stuck out from the postbox, which was Sasori’s invoice for the breakfast. Kakuzu sat at his study to count their costs. There was the petrol money to the airport, the parking, the flights, the food at the airport, Hidan’s hair gel, the cost of the metro, the cost of their meal, Sasori’s invoice, the jacket when they finally bought it, the metro tickets to the airport, the return flights, the food in the duty free zone, and the petrol home.

Kakuzu totalled it all up, and then stared, gormlessly.

1p.

He spent £250.01 on the trip to Spain.

**Author's Note:**

> At least...they got a bit of a holiday?


End file.
